Two things drive our life tremendously. These are Love and Fear. To demonstrate this, have you ever heard of the phrase, “be kind to yourself”? Lots of people, including me only know of this in theory and not practice. And I must admit that even though I speak of a positive and great attitude, I have often been so hard on myself. I have always pushed myself, exerting a lot of hard work and self blame in so many instances.
Now, do not get me wrong, working hard on a project and doing the very best that you could is very crucial, in fact, it is necessary.
However, while doing it, if the dominant thought you have about yourself is an “I hope don’t screw it up” or “I wonder if this is good enough“, or other self beating thoughts, your experience of love fades away.
Now that I look back at it, it’s like running a hundred steps in the right direction and springing back 130 steps back. At the end, you may have had occasional instances of joy and triumph, yet the dominant destination of your life is misery, never ever getting anywhere you long for and wondering why you ain’t getting it right. And perhaps, there really is nothing to get right after all!
Needless to say, this has been my life for the longest time. For instance, we would be in a conversation with my wife and suddenly, she talks of getting into a better house or car and what I match that with would be additional unnecessary expenses. I would calmly say that we are not there yet. And if you are like Kendy, my wife, this kind of response is what would stop conversations and creativity for that matter. So one day while driving somewhere, my wife had made one of her proverbial wishful conversation when I robotically responded with an
“I don’t know love”
that was mixed with a series of negative frustrated “I really don’t know why you cant see where we are” thought. In a quick smirk, she went;
“Perhaps you are the one stopping yourself from ever going any further that you can see!”
In the middle of those statements, icy, frustrated and disappointed that I am not sharing the fun, I went silent. I was back to focusing on the road. All the while wondering if she really had some truths to those words.
What do I really love? What would I really love and what do I talk about most of the time? Are they ever congruent?
In those quiet reflections, I began to justify, in my mind how positive and hardworking I was. And in defense, I began to bring up thoughts of instances where I have been positive. All these were in self defense to avert Kendy’s statement. I could bring up (in my thoughts) several instances of my striving, trying and doing my very best. Looking back at it now, I noticed how a lot of my life has been about my thoughts and justifications. All the while living a very small life outside my dreams. All this while quiet in car!
Thoughts such “seriously, Dennis, you should know better!” “How dare you!” and “what will others think of you” and “a breakthrough is coming soon!”
Quite recently, out of being in the Mary Morrisey Coaching conversation by one strategist called, Mark Juang. He introduced me to a daily program called “My Morning Mentor.” This is a daily 2 minutes email and video that works on transforming my mindset. In the process, I have began shifting my vibrations from a constant negative frequency to one of appreciation, love and abundance. The things I know about. Yes. The things I quite know and talk about! (I just had to affirm that to quiet my mind that was beginning to cringe at the thought that I know about it already). In fact, maybe, I do not know it as much as I think I do!
One the first day of the series, Mary talks about what would I love! In a 2 minutes video, she introduces me, again, to the art and practice of considering what I love. When I am clear of what I love I can then live into that. In my next blog, I will share with you what process I took into that. You too can try it here!